Give up the Good

Sometimes getting out of bed in the morning is the hardest thing I do all day. Been there? Just facing the sunshine, putting clothes on, dreading a particular situation or person is more than enough for me to hit the snooze for the eighth time and pull the comforter back over my head. (It’s called a comforter for a reason.)

And I know I’m not the only one to deal with this feeling. Last week I was talking with a friend who is having some relationship problems. She’s just not feeling the love anymore. She’s been married a long time, couple of kids. Frustrated with the way things are at home. She feels taken for granted. There’s no one else in the picture, but things are bland, stale, faded. Sometimes just coming home is a burden.

It could be a romantic relationship, a valued friendship, a job situation, anything, really.

So I listened. I sympathized. After all, I’ve been there before, so I understood those feelings, and I know they’re difficult to shake. But I’ve been trying something lately that has helped me, so I offered my (unsolicited) advice hoping it might help her. It’s pretty simple too: Fake it.

I know that seems dishonest, but I promise it’s only temporary. I’m sure you’ve heard that when you feel lousy, you should smile. It’s the opposite of how you feel, but the emotions a smile signifies are how you want to feel. A scowl will make you feel worse, and a smile will make you feel better. (It’s true! Google it.) Sounds crazy, but it works in all sorts of situations. Like this one.

Smiling expresses joy, and we’re more likely to feel joy simply by smiling. So I told my friend to fake being happy, and over time, it’s very likely that she’ll begin to actually feel happier. In fact, her whole home will likely feel happier because her family will see her smiling and acting happy. It will cheer the whole mood of the house.

Of course, the opposite is also true. You know what I’m talking about. When you come home in a bad mood, and even if everyone else was perfectly fine, your sour expression puts a damper on the evening. Or when a harsh word to someone else steals some of your joy. It happens to me a lot.

So I decided to start fresh, acting like I was happy even when I wasn’t. By no means am I perfect in the application of this experiment. But I’ve learned to like people I was convinced I’d never like, and I’ve learned not to let a brief moment of anger or frustration ruin a perfectly lovely day. I’ve even acted confident in situations where I was anything but, and it has helped then, too.

I have no idea whether my friend will actually try it, or if she does, whether she’ll be successful. But my reasoning when I started testing this theory was, what harm can it do? I lose nothing by trying it, and it has helped me be happier. In fact, I’m proud to announce, I’ve felt calmer in the car because I’ve forced myself to remember that I’m not in that big a hurry. (It’s only a slight improvement so far, I sheepishly admit, but it is working, and I’m certain it will continue to help.)

Have you tried acting happy so you’d feel happier? How did it turn out?